The Target
I wrote the following four years ago. When rereading it today, I initially thought its relevance is passed. Because the global pandemic has passed, at least in its ferocity. But, terribly, the global hate persists, unabated. I will not give up hope that humanity will regain its relative humanity. Meanwhile …
Me.
Me, who hears your anger.
Me, who hears your dogma and certainty and outrage.
Me, who watches as you assign blame for this nation’s devolution.
Me, who sees the objects of your wrath: the people with names and faces and value in God’s eyes; the people you used to care about, but have dehumanized now. They are …
Me.
Me, who reads the articles and watches the videos you share. Propaganda pieces created by people that you think are your peers, your tribe, your team.
Me, who knows that propaganda machine doesn’t care about me and they don’t care about you. That giant, cruel machine is effective and determined to divide, to incite rage, to invent targets, and justify the incited anger at those targets,. It seeks to ruin and slander and win and destroy innocent lives.
Me, who reads your posts and articles and watches the videos you share, and with each one I feel the blows.
Because you participate in the machine, you willingly pass on the division and slander and hatred and rage …
To me.
Did you know that I am your target?
Maybe you did. Maybe you don’t care. Maybe I’m naive to have expected you to stop short of aiming attacks on people you know. Not that that makes it better, because it doesn’t, but it could be understandable, I guess, to not fully realize the destruction of your target on the ground when your launch is from an aircraft.
In just the last few weeks, especially the last two … you, who used to be so loving and caring and a peacemaker and a team player by nature … your aggression has been emerging. Quickly. So quickly. Already, in the past week, it is approaching militancy.
You, who I never knew to be like that, ever. Somebody, somewhere got your ear and heart and soul and changed you.
You, who were my classmates and coworkers.
You, who were my friends and neighbors.
You, who were my sisters and brothers in Christ.
You are different now. Now, of all times. Now, when so many are struggling with drastically changed lives, illness, financial devastation, and looming uncertainty.
Now, in the time of COVID-19.
Now, when the world needs help, support, reliability, and a reason to expect a better future. Now, when we need rest and a reprieve, you release this onto us. Now, when we desperately require caring and compassionate and loving people …
You give us this new person you have become.
Now, when I needed you most.
Because I, too, am seeking my footing. Like everyone, as life changed abruptly and drastically, I went tumbling in this atmosphere of massive upheaval.
I needed you. Just like all people depend on those they believe care about them. Right now more than ever.
I needed you to be who I thought you were. I needed to count on some people. Not all people, but some people. And I can, but those numbers of people are small, very, very small. I thought you were one of them — a person whom I could know, beyond-a-doubt, no matter how difficult or crazy the world became, would be good.
This has taken a toll I didn’t anticipate. You, not being who you used to be … you have caused me to trip and somersault and tumble in ways I have never tumbled before. You were part of a rock of sorts, beneath my feet. And it turns out, because you chose the route you chose … you are no longer a part of the rock beneath my feet.
You left who you were. You are no longer there. I never dreamed you would be one of those who would go rogue; who would turn inhumane and hate-filled; who would go frighteningly militant. I thought you would be here, always. I thought you would be godly and good, always.
But you are gone.
You are over there, hating at …
Me.
You are over there, fighting against …
Me.
Your words and militancy have found their target in …
Me.
You thought you were sending out your judgement and condemnation to people that you would never have to see hit by your missiles of destruction?
Me. They hit me.
Maybe you knew that and wanted that. Maybe you didn’t know. I say you should have known. Maybe you are so caught up with those voices that fill your ears and mind that you lost self-awareness. You certainly lost other-awareness. You stopped being concerned about who, exactly, you are targeting, and if, it is right even, this thing that you do now.
I don’t know if you will ever again be the person I used to know.
I am not angry. I haven’t been angry. I have been very, very, very sad for weeks now. I couldn’t put my finger on what it was, exactly, that was making me so sad. I knew I could handle all that this pandemic has thrust on us. It was something else: a low that was distinctly unique; one I have never ever felt before.
But now I know. People I believed in, people I trusted, people I admired and loved and respected and appreciated …
Hate in the time of corona.
You hate me in the time of corona.
And you are gone. You are no longer where you used to be. Nowhere near. I feel in my gut that you are not coming back. I have lost you forever.
And that …
Makes me sad. So very, very, very sad.
You probably aren’t, because you have found a new power. You are strong and mighty. You have it, power. I know that firsthand, because I feel its effects. Your power to hit your target is real. You hit …
Me.
Whom The Son Sets Free …
To Fulfill Your Potential
When Forced To Install Boundaries
Timing In The Big Picture
Storyline
This is about life. Specifically, this is about life with God.
Whether you perceive God in your life or not, he’s in it. Not controlling your life, but there.
Beside you. Behind you, willing to catch you. Ahead of you, offering to lead you.
Whether you recognize him or not makes no difference. He is there.
Then why doesn’t he prevent trouble, struggles, catastrophes, pain … ? Why doesn’t he prevent evil?
He does sometimes, and nobody can explain when and why that is. But mostly, he doesn’t, because that’s the deal he made with we humans. He handed us the keys to our lives.
We get to do what we want.
He wants us to embody his will and ways, and implement them while on Earth, but he doesn’t make us do anything. While we are waiting for him to overcome evil, he is waiting for us to do it.
We are meant to be the enforcers of the victory over evil that Jesus achieved by dying on the cross. He handed us control. There is a whole lot more to it, including personal growth, sanctification, and yieldedness to his will and ways, and believing despite appearances, but simply put …
We are more than conquerors through him who loves us.
“Conquerors” implies a battle, of sorts. It implies that one of our roles in this life is as a soldier. Another way of viewing it is as an elite athlete. Their skills are developed. They don’t skip straight to the winners’ platform, they actively participate in the process. It’s work.
Life is daunting when we “do life” on our own. That’s the only option if we don’t know he also provided his Holy Spirit to partner with in life. We can even know in our minds about his Spirit, but that’s not enough.
We have to connect with him for real. We have to experience him as an actual being.
He’s here for us to partner with now. As a presence in our everyday lives. But do we know that? If we do know it but haven’t experienced it, do we still expect it?
Some Bible-based Christians say that everything we need to know is “in the Word”. They even say it to scold those who mention the Holy Spirit as present in their lives. When puffed-up Christians don’t have the Holy Spirit in their private lives, they attack those who do. They begrudge people who have what they don’t.
Paradoxically, those religious people are not practicing what they preach. They preach about the Holy Spirit; they include him in their theologies and language; they know that every life situation is not in the Bible; they talk about him as our counselor and helper — they just don’t live it. Because they don’t live it, they don’t want others to. They make themselves the standard. In their minds, they are the top-dog, the know-it-all, and on a pedestal above others.
According to their terms, everyone else is expected to assume positions beneath them. That is how they imagine it. That is how they wrote the script of their aspirations. They are at the top, requiring underlings as their subjects. Fail to assume the role they require of you, and you suddenly have a target on your back. Violate the script they write for you, and you will be reprimanded. Question or fail to subjugate to them, and you will be evicted. Don’t be surprised if, after the door is slammed behind you, they follow with false accusations to discredit you.
Just in case you dare to speak the truth about them after your exit.
If you’ve happened into the orbit of people like this (in the name of Jesus no less), I feel for you. I hurt with you. May you recover from their mistreatment. May you arise from the soot of the arson committed against you.
May you not miss out on the massive benefits of having God in your life because of people who misrepresented Him. May you dodge an aversion to God because of people. May you discern the difference of who God is, and who some Christians are.
They are not him. He is not them.
Whether you’ve experienced injustices by people like this or not, know this:
God is there for you. Not controlling your life, but there.
Beside you. Behind you, willing to catch you. Ahead of you, offering to lead you.
Whether you recognize his presence or not makes no difference. He is there.
You have as much a right as any human on this planet to enter into a private and meaningful relationship with him. As much right as anyone to experience his presence. As much right as anyone to have him partner with you to advance your life story.
Seek him. He promises to be found if you do.
If nothing seems to have changed in your life; if you still don’t perceive or “hear” him …
Keep seeking him.
If learning and growth opportunities show up instead of his presence, learn and grow from them. Perhaps he wants to change and grow a few things in you before he entrusts you with his obvious presence. He sees your entire life story while you’re in the early or mid chapters, unable to see beyond now. What doesn’t make sense may in time.
Don’t expect a tidy little short story of life with God. Expect your life story with him to last the entire length of your life on Earth.
Expect a linear trajectory of “better and better and better” with him. Don’t expect to understand it all. Don’t be surprised if life looks awful sometimes, while you dared to hope for wonderful now that you’re doing life with God in it.
I don’t understand all of that. Don’t trust anyone who draws conclusions about you based on a short story arc. No person knows it all. Ignore their confident and critical conclusions of you.
Keep going forward, wanting and expecting his presence with you always. He promises that if you seek him, you will find him.
You’re not done. Your life story isn’t over. Your life isn’t just one chapter or section. It isn’t a simple short story arc.
Your life is a story line … linear … still going forward … complex …
Keep it going, no matter what anyone (or your own logic) says to discourage you.
You’re not done.
You are free to do life alone, in your own power, but you don’t have to. Muster the belief in a good God, despite people who make you want to run away from him, and …
Do life with God.
He’s right there beside you in the form of His Holy Spirit. He won’t impose himself on you. He welcomes you, though, and wants nothing more than to come to the foreground in your life, as an active, participating partner.
Not to control you. But to remain always beside you. And behind you, catching you. And ahead of you, leading you.
Creating with you, the story of your life. Creating, with you, an always improving and evolving storyline.
Cindi Gale 